I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Less talking, more tequila
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
