i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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