I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
