I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
