i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
