it was like eating out sand paper
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
