So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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