I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
