It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
