If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
