I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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