the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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