thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tell her she can't have a vagina
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
