Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
