I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize