so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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