well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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