That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
