Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
