there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
