Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
