Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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