I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize