we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
