We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need moral support for this bender
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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