There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just had sex on a roof
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
