i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
