No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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