I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
