so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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