Swine flu. Run for my life!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
