mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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