I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
