if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
