I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
