Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
