mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
