you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
