I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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