Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
