Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
