Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
