Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
