Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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