i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
