My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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