I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
