This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
