I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
