Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
