dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
