i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize