It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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