Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
