do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
