Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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