i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
