It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
high people should be assigned attendants
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
pray to the hookup gods
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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