I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
