your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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