**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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