The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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