you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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