Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
