Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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