What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize