She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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