so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
