If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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