All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
