i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
