Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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