Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
