I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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