Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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