Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
