I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
