Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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