I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
