"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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