ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
