maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
