have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize