And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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