The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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