eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
