saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
