Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
