Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
