ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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